Matters aren’t memories are they the people who owned themgave them too youpersonally, or left them behind. In case you have read my website or you game understand mepersonally, you will also understand my eldest son Ryan died in 2007. As you can imagine, working through such a life changing event, it is really important to care for your emotional health and wellbeing.
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I bet most of you have, though it had been someone really close to you, you might have been faced with the job of sorting through their own possessions – clothes, books, personal items, mementos, athletic decorations….all types of items. We all possess a different plan for dealing with this circumstance, a few dive in and get it sorted straight away due to necessity (the house needs to be sold or handed back to the landlord) or as you only need to’do it’ others like to conserve the room as it had been and spend some time sitting in there recalling others simply can’t face it at all. There are lots of scenarios and combinations of reasons and ideas relating to this. You just need to do what feels best for you. He cried incessantly, till I would ask him for the edited version of a story and he was passionate about the matters which were important to him. He loved a family or social occasion; he had been an all round nice guy – adored by everyone who had the joy of spending time with him. So to stand in his bedroom doorway lie on his bed seeing what he saw when he had been in his area was just so very difficult back in these days. The balance between grieving in a means which is congruent with mental health and wellness, given the conditions, and feeling totally unhinged was a very fine line indeed.At that time I had been experiencing all kinds of emotions, sometimes I was miserable beyond words, others I had been mad or felt guilty (after all I was a Mum I ought to have been able to make this right) I had times of complete disbelief and others of inconsolable grief and grief. All part of the practice of handling the unthinkable. I was so lucky to have a fantastic grounding in mental health and wellness, given my past training plus a fantastic support network, yet a few days were merely plan hard. Over the years I had the odd better moment, then perhaps a day when I did not cry, finally I had more good days than sad days, and life took on a new normal. I’d chosen to live my own entire life. Actually my son had set a fabulous example he’d lived a life of joy and enthusiasm.A couple of months after Ryan’s death I had decided to sort through his clothes, however others that were quite near Ryan weren’t ready for this and I packed them back into the wardrobe again. Time went by and for quite a while time it only felt too difficult. Funny how not doing it was preserving my mental wellbeing and wellbeing at one stage and then later not doing it had been having a different impact! I floated the idea using Bryce (my younger son) who offered to assist and we spent a day together in Ryan’s room sorting through everything, school books, photos, clothing, soccer and cricket decorations, paperwork, things from his 3 weeks traveling the world. We created heaps of things we thought could be unique to others, maintained some things we just couldn’t throw or give away yet and everything else was booted up and taken to the local charity shop – that I had been feeling so much milder. Thank goodness Bryce is not a hoarder either! We moved the future to the drop, including the desk my parents gave me in my 8th birthday (it was far past time to let that one go) and it is all being gathered by a charity for re -gifting or resale.The space today feels lighter, there’s a separate bed in there using another quilt, and it is uncluttered and has a completely new feel. In reality, I have a completely new feel, and outlook too. It has had a very positive impact on my overall mental health and wellness. I am planning to put something fresh on the wall and maybe even paint it a fresh new colour. We won’t part with things that we no longer have use for because Great Aunt Dorothy gave us that , or it belonged to a grandparent or parent. We revolve the thing with a memory, the person or feeling, but things aren’t the memory they may provoke the memory when we hold or examine them. I feel this also has a very positive impact on our individual mental health and wellness and of course the flow on impact to those around us.So let’s be real about that, if I retained everything that Ryan ever possessed how could that help me? A room of clutter that was not useful to anybody and held me and my family stuck in the despair of our loss. In letting go of these’items’ I feel lighter and freer and have gifted everything that was helpful to others and kept the things Bryce or I weren’t yet prepared to forego, I have no doubt over the years that set will also decrease.I have wonderful memories of my gorgeous boys; both of these, of their joy of being their Mum and seeing them develop into wonderful young men, making their way in the world having some fascinating life experiences, what a present. As a Mum I do not require anything to try to remember every moment of the time with them. Above all I owe to these two amazing boys to be an illustration of mental health and health, I surely want to be able to reveal Bryce how to live a outrageously healthy happy life.So what are you holding onto in your life that could be employed by somebody else, what baggage are you holding onto either emotionally or physically. I believe part of living a wholesome life is finding proper ways to deal with life’s challenges. Let us face it not every moment of our lives is filled with sweetness and light, it’s a lifetime of comparison. We’ve got a fabulous opportunity while on the earth to share of ourselves together with the world in all our magnificence.So this is my present for you now’Things aren’t memories are they the men and women who owned them, gave them too you, or left them behind!’ Give yourself the gift of letting go of any baggage either psychological or physical, let yourself experience the joys of mental health and health everyday, and live your best, most outrageously healthful life.